Concepts Relating to Stress

Behaviors

Exercise

Nutrition

Smoking

Handling Stressors

Ways to Reduce Stress

References

HANDLING STRESSORS

• Make eye contact with the person to whom you are speaking or who is speaking to you (especially if you are confronting them).
• Shake hands warmly and firmly when meeting someone…even if you have to extend your hand first (this action helps set the tone for the rest of the interaction).
• Ask people to clarify if you have any doubt about the meaning of their words or their inflection.
• Talk in short, direct sentences.  This focuses the conversation and helps keep you more in control of the situation.
• Describe any events or concerns in objective language, instead of adding your opinion into the discussion.  You can always add your opinion of necessary.

SABOTAGING BEHAVIORS

YOURS:
You will want to think about how you are going to cope with several types of situations.  There may be some situations that you will not want to place yourself into for a while.  As an example, if you always go to lunch with the same people (smokers) and sit in the smoking section, go at a different time with a non smoker and sit in the non smoking section.  Not only will you not smoke, but you may make a new friend as well.

OTHERS:
There may be some individuals who will try to get you started smoking again.  Plan now how you will respond to them when they say, “You need one to relax” or “Just one won’t hurt you”.  One of the most effective answers might be, “I choose not to smoke.  I have learned other behaviors that I can use to relax when I am tense, instead of smoking.  Excuse me, but I am going for a short walk”.  It sounds abrupt, but the person encouraging you is being rude to encourage you to go back to smoking.  As you are going for a walk, review how you got into that situation and how you can avoid it next time.

As further motivation to remain a non-smoker, the following are suggested:

• Make up a list of luxury items you want to buy for yourself (or someone else).  Convert the price of the item into cigarettes.  Start a “piggy bank”.  Reward yourself at specific time frames, i.e., the first of each month or every Saturday morning.
• Choose a day of significance to stop smoking; your birthday, anniversary, etc.  Reward yourself at anniversary dates along the way, i.e., one month, six months, one year, etc.
• Never buy a cigarette or carry them with you.  Force yourself to buy them one at a time.  Friends can help by not allowing you to borrow from them.
• Never carry matches or a lighter with you.  Make yourself have to search for a light.
• Before you light up, ask yourself:  “Do I really choose to smoke this cigarette?
• Look at other habits which assisted you to smoke.  As an example, if you always have a cup of coffee and a cigarette after dinner while sitting around the dining table; pour the coffee into a mug, put on you jacket and go for a walk, leaving any cigarettes at home.  Take your coffee with you and enjoy the stars.
• As your taste improves, the flavors of foods will improve dramatically.  Thy some new foods that you haven’t tried before.  Season using herbs and spices.  You will enjoy them more than when you were a smoker.

ALCOHOL

Some individuals try to relieve their stress by consuming one or more drinks of alcohol.  Alcohol affects almost every organ system in the body, either directly or indirectly.  Alcohol has the most dramatic short term effect on the central nervous system.  It acts as a depressant to the central nervous system; so mood alters, perception is altered and behavior changes.  Because the central nervous system overreacts after it has been over-stimulated, the body bounces back by being hypersensitive.  This is why too much light hurts, noise hurts and touching may hurt.  If you drink enough, any organ in the body can be damaged.  Drinking even in moderation, can cause loss of certain vitamins and minerals and mean that you may need to take supplements for these.

In addition, alcohol can cause disruption in your sleep patterns and cause your body to suppress the deepest stages of sleep, needed for you to feel at your best the next day.  It also causes you to have a difficult time getting out of bed the next morning, which can lead to increased stress of being to work on time.  If you are going to have a drink, make the one you have with dinner be the last one for the day and you may sleep better and be more refreshed the next day.

As you are looking at stress in your life, examine the use of alcohol in the light also of your nutritional needs.  Your body converts alcohol to fat the same as it would convert two scoops of your favorite ice cream to fat.

The use of alcohol does not relieve the stress.  It may, in fact, increase your stress.

CAFFEINE

The peak effect time for caffeine is between two and four hours.  It frequently lasts for up to seven hours and may still be in the system for up to twenty hours.  Coffee will raise the blood sugar level when first consumed, but as soon as the body’s insulin overrides it, the body system lets down and you experience a letdown feeling.  If you have another cup of coffee, you put your body through the see-saw all over again.  Because of the symptoms of withdrawal from caffeine, you may find it more helpful to taper off from caffeine.  You will feel better within about three days.  Examine your ritual times for a cup of coffee (or a cola).  Count the number of cups of coffee that you consume in a day.  Where do you drink it?  Who are you with?

Do you have to have that cup of coffee first thing in the morning, before you can get started on anything else?  What is your ritual about making that first pot of coffee in the morning?  Are you enjoying the coffee or the ritual in the most?  For some, the putting on the coffee and smelling it perk are reminders of pleasant, warm experiences and that is as important as drinking the cup of coffee.

When you can recognize your pattern, you can begin to break out of the pattern.

Some suggestions for decaffeinating are:

• Taper off.  Reduce the number of cups daily, replacing them with a caffeine free drink.
• Change your habits.  In the morning, instead of making a pot of coffee, go for a walk and drink a glass of water.
• Experiment with some of the decaffeinated coffees and with the herbal teas.  There are many new varieties.

One of the most common sources of stress is not being able to tell someone else what we are feeling and thinking.  Communication occurs both verbally and non-verbally.  When communication is occurring, three parts are involved:

• A sender of the message.
• A receiver of the message.
• The content of the message.

When all three parts of the communication process are functioning smoothly, effective communication takes place and there is little room for misunderstandings to occur.  However, if one or more of the three parts malfunctions, incomplete, inappropriate or incorrect messages will be sent.  This may result in misunderstanding and an increase in stress.  Good communication is an exchange of more than ideas.  It is also an exchange of feelings and attitudes.  If there is no agreement of ideas, you have the basis for conflict.  But conflict never develops until there is a clash of feelings and attitudes.  When you understand that emotions are a vital part of communication, you can use them to improve communication.

Non-verbal Communication:
Non-verbal communications tell what kind of person you are, how you feel about others, how you fit into the group, whether or not you are anxious, your comfort level and some of your feelings about yourself.  If you learn to read the non-verbal communication of the other person, you can determine all of these factors about him/her.  The diversity of cultures and backgrounds in America make this a special challenge for us.  Add the stress of illness and the challenge becomes even greater.

Some of the ways that non-verbal communication is used are:

• Appearance:  What does your appearance say about you?  The way one dresses speaks a powerful message.  If you are dressed very professionally, the person with whom you are interacting will respond to you in a more professional manner than if you are dressed as if you are planning to go to the golf course.
• Eye contact:  Cultures respond differently to looking someone directly into the eyes.  Many Americans view the person who won’t or doesn’t look them in the eyes as not trustworthy, dishonest or shifty.  Other cultures and even some subcultures of Americans view this very differently.  These factors need to be considered before action is based upon this non-verbal communication.
• Posture:  Stand and then sit in front of a full length mirror.  What does you normal posture say to others about you?  Do your shoulders slump and your head hang down just a bit?  Do you look as if you are depressed?  Are your shoulders squared back and your head held so that you can look other people in the eye as you meet them?  The latter posture communicates that you are a “take charge” person and ready to face whatever comes your way.  The first look says that life has already beaten you down.  What do you want your posture to say about you?  You are in control of it.
• Facial expressions:  It has been said that people can read emotions just by watching a person’s eyes.  Again, you are in charge of your facial expressions, what are you communicating with them?
• Time:  Each person communicates non-verbally his/her priorities by the time devoted to each one.  Make sure your time allocations match your priorities in life.

Listening:
We can think at a rate seven times faster than we can hear.  It is possible to hear at between 110 and 140 words per minute.  The average person spends 70% of his/her day communicating.  45% of his/her time is spent in listening.  Approximately 25% of his/her ability is used for listening.

One of the ways to enhance communication is a process called Active Listening.  Active Listening refers to the listener using skills to actively assist the communication process.

Two major purposes of Active Listening are:

• To help the listener gain a greater understanding of what the speaker is saying.
• To allow the speaker to gain a greater self-awareness.

In order to engage in the process of Active Listening, the listener needs to give appropriate attending and responding behaviors.

The Attending Behaviors are:

• Facing the other person(s) squarely.
• Adopting an open posture (folded arms across the chest won’t do).
• Maintaining good eye contact, but not intimidating.
• Leaning towards the other person (maintain space so as not to threaten).
• Give appropriate verbal cues (yes…; go on…; etc.).

The Responding Behaviors are:

• Understanding responses:  “Let me see if I understand what you are saying….”
• Supportive responses:  “I see……go on.”
• Interpretive responses:  “I think what you are saying is……”
• Probing responses:  “And then you did……?”
• Evaluative responses:  “What did you think about that?”

WAYS TO IMPROVE LISTENING ABILITY:

• Stop talking.
• Minimize noise in the environment.
• Eliminate interruptions.
• Take notes on follow-up items.
• Focus on the ideas of the speaker, not the delivery.
• Hold off on formulating your answer until the speaker has finished talking.
• Integrate the non-verbal behavior of the speaker in with what he/she is saying.
• Evaluate your own biases, keep an open mind.
• Don’t become defensive or threatened by what the speaker is saying.
• Don’t allow yourself to be distracted.

BLOCKS TO EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
ENVIRONMENTAL:

• Visibility of the speaker and any visuals he/she is using.
• Interruptions.
• Temperature.
• Noise.
• Uncomfortable seating arrangements.
• Inappropriate lighting.
• Air quality in the room (smoke).
• Distance of listener from speaker.

LISTENER:

• Reaction toward speaker.
• Fatigue level of listener.
• Hearing impairment.
• Distracted.
• Prejudice or stereotype.
• Defensive or threatened.

SPEAKER:

• Speech too loud or too soft.
• Accent or speech impediment.
• Boring or monotonous delivery.
• Distracting mannerisms.
• Vocabulary or language.
• Physical appearance.
• Facial expressions.
• Body position/stance.

ASSERTIVENESS:
There have been lots of discussions about assertiveness during the past several years.  As it relates to communication, there are some assertive rights of which we need to be reminded because these rights and our belief (or non-believe) in them affect our communication style.  They are:

• You have the right to hold and express your own feelings, thoughts and opinions.
• You have the right to be treated with respect and to be taken seriously.
• You have the right and responsibility to control your own life.
• You have the right to make and refuse requests without feeling guilty.
• You have the right to make a mistake and to be responsible for that mistake.
• You have the right to be human (not perfect) and not to be liked by everyone.
• You have the right to get what you pay for.
• You have the right to set your own priorities.
• You have the right to give and receive information in a professional manner.
• You have the right to change your mind.

THE ANGER FACTOR:
Anger interferes with the communication process.  You are responsible for your feelings of anger and what you do about them.  The following are some ways to control your anger:

• Listen to how you talk to yourself when you are angry.  Two common behaviors occur when we are angry:
• Magnification:  You exaggerate the importance of an event.  Ask yourself, “What difference will this make in three years?”.
• Mind reading:  “She did this to me because she doesn’t like me”. Tell yourself:  “How do I know she doesn’t like me?  I need to discuss this with her.”.
• Take a time out.  When you feel your anger rising, initiate a time out by saying, “I’m beginning to feel angry, and I want to take a time out”, and leave the scene.  The time out gives you time to regain control of your feelings and to re-think your position.
• Condition and relaxation response.  When you feel that you are becoming angry, condition yourself to take three deep breaths.  After a few weeks of practice, you’ll feel yourself automatically taking a deep breath instead of reacting.
• Vent some of the anger in positive ways.  Anger is a legitimate emotion.  It needs to be properly expressed, not repressed.  Try these venting techniques:  Write your thoughts down, then tear up the paper; use humor; visualize the person you are angry with standing there in his/her underwear.
• Exercise strenuously.
• Find someone with whom you can just vent and who will keep it confidential.

SELF TALK:
There is some evidence that the way we approach life either assists us to handle stress well or to not handle it well.   Some of our attitudes are reflected in our self-talk.

Some examples of positive self-talk are:

• Change is an opportunity.
• Life without change would be dull and boring.
• I feel the way I think.
• I am confident.
• I am a leader.
• I take good care of myself because I am important to me.
• I can choose not to overeat.
• My opinions are of worth.
• I finished the 10-K last, so what,….at least I ran the race.
• When I’m handed lemons, I’ll make lemonade.

CONFLICT RESOLUTION:
One of the communication areas we need to explore is the area of conflict resolution.  Many individuals are afraid to take the risk of confronting a conflict head-on and resolving it.  The risk is actually lower when people face conflict and solve it than when they run and hide from the conflict.
The optimal goal in conflict resolution is creating a win-win solution for everyone involved.  Of course, this is not possible in all situations, but should be the goal.

Approaches to conflict resolution are:

• Compromise or negotiation:  Parties of equal power give up something they want.  Both parties must be willing to give up something of equal value.  It can become a win-lose situation if one party perceives she/he is giving up the most.
• Competing:  One party pursues what he/she wants at the expense of the other party.  Only one party wins.  This party seeks the win regardless of the cost to others.
• Accommodating/Cooperation:  The individual sacrifices his/her beliefs and wants in an effort to allow the other individual to win.  The actual problem is not usually solved in this win-lose situation.  One person just gives in to the other one.
• Soothing:  This approach is used to reduce the emotional component of the conflict.  Smoothing may be appropriate for minor issues, but rarely results in resolution of the actual conflict.
• Avoidance:  The involved individuals are aware of a conflict, but choose not to acknowledge it or attempt to resolve it.  Sometimes avoidance is appropriate because the problem is trivial and not worth solving or when it will resolve itself.
• Collaboration:  This is an assertive and cooperative means of conflict resolution that results in a win-win solution.  In collaboration, both persons/groups put aside their original goals and work together to establish a supraordinate or common goal.  The focus throughout collaboration is on problem solving and not on defeating the other person/group.

In order for collaboration to occur, the individuals/groups must do the following:

• Define a common goal that both individuals/groups can agree on.
• Share a mutual respect for the knowledge and expertise of all parties in the collaboration.
• Accept mutual responsibility in reaching the common goal.
• Work together to review the goal once it is reached.
• Communicate openly and honestly.
• Have equitable shared decision making powers.
• Share knowledge with each other in a timely manner.
• Offer support to each other.
• Understand the language of the problem to be solved.
• Have roles that are mutually acceptable.

• Do remember that the point in contention is only a small part of your life.
• Do take action to resolve the conflict.  Even if you don’t succeed, you’ll be spending your energy on something constructive, instead of rage and frustration.
• Do remember that only one of your attributes is under fire.  You have many assets that no one is criticizing.
• Do put some distance between yourself and the conflict.  Put the conflict in its place.  Back off emotionally, and even physically, until you cool off.
• Do examine the conflict for future reference.  Even if you lose, you may find pointers for handling a conflict the next time one arises.

REMEMBER:
No one makes you engage in conflict.
No one makes you have a specific feeling---you choose---anger, sadness, happiness, etc.
Each of us needs to accept ownership of our feelings.
Each of us needs to accept responsibility for entering into the conflict.
Know what you want as the outcome of the conflict.
Never disagree!  Do offer other ideas, suggestions.
Make it OK for the other person to feel the way they feel.
Make it easy for the person to change positions without losing face.
Don’t force proof.  Present evidence and let them decide.
The person who speaks FIRST has the privilege of setting the mood or tone of the rest of the conversation.
The person who asks the most QUESTIONS gets to control the content and direction of the conversation.
The person who LISTENS more has greater control of the final outcome of the conversation.

• Set goals.  Identify some goals that you want to accomplish in various amounts of time, i.e., one week, one month, six months, one year, five years, ten years, etc.
• Prioritize the goals.  List the most important ones first, within each time frame.
• Break the large goals into small segments.  If your goal five years from now is to have finished your BSN, break it down into how many courses you will take each semester.  It is easier to work with smaller units and to feel a sense of accomplishment when each unit is completed.
• Make a daily “to do” list.  Consider that you won’t get everything finished.  Actually, only about half of the list really needs to be done.  Concentrate on the most important items and do the rest as you have time to do them.
• Determine your most productive time of day.  Reserve this time for your most important projects from your “to do” list.  Do not use this time for routine tasks.  Schedule routine or boring tasks for your most non-productive times.
• Develop a schedule.  Do the same things at the same time of day as much as you can.  This saves decision time as to what to do next.
• Eliminate time wasters.  Every six months, go through your calendar.  Ask yourself, “What am I doing that does not have to be done at all anymore?”  Do this activity both at work and at home.  Eliminate at least one item each time.
• Delegate.  Ask yourself, “What can I delegate to someone else to do?”  And then, delegate it!!
• Look at the mail you are receiving.  Are you the best person to receive it, open it and process it?  Could someone else do it, even the mail at home?
• Look at how you handle interruptions.  Plan for some uninterrupted time for project work.  Put the answer machine on even when you are home.  The telephone is for your convenience.
• Only go shopping once a week.  A lot of the time can be spent in the grocery (or other stores) store.  Keep a list of items needed and go only once per week.  Shop at off peak hours.  Compete with yourself to see if you can shop for the week in less than 45 minutes.
• Do as many errands at one time as you can.  Consolidate all of the stores/shops into as small an area as possible.  You will save driving time as well as parking and getting into and out of the car multiple times.  In addition, you may reduce the number of lines you have to stand in to await your turn.
• Plan now what to do with the time you have just gained.  If you don’t plan ahead, you will waste the time on unplanned items, not directed towards meeting your goals.

Next: Handling Stressors Continued